Vashon Island ‘Band of Brothers’ program focuses on identity and healthy masculinity

Those of us old enough to look back on our adolescence know what a confusing and fraught time it can be, filled with pressures around mental health, bullying, drug use, and much more.

Beginning this fall, the Vashon Island School District is offering a free mentorship program for all boys in grades 4 through 12. It's to provide social-emotional support, and reduce the ill effects of unhealthy masculinity.

The outdoor-based program is run by the non-profit Journeymen Institute. One of the co-founders is Nicky Wilks, who also teaches at Vashon Island High.

T

o us, there's a central understanding —a core belief of sorts — that identity precedes purpose. So, if I'm a young man, if I'm a boy coming of age, and I can't even begin to answer the questions: "Who am I?" "What are my core values as a person?" and "How do I want to show up in the world?" I'm more likely to take unnecessary risks. I'm also more likely to hide away from the world and sort of avoid the pain of not being seen for who I am.

Our organization is really designed around the idea that we, as a community, can instill a sense of identity in our young people, so that as they navigate these turbulent times of adolescence, they have something solid to rest on in those times of change.

For us, it all starts with identity, and so much of our work revolves around this question of helping young boys and young men answer the question, "Who am I?"

One student said after a session:

“I feel so like, at peace with myself and with who I am. And, I feel confident in who I'm going to be moving forward, and how I'm going to show up in the world. When the sun set, I realized that like, that was the last sunset of me as a child. I put all of the stuff that I wanted to not be a part of myself anymore, I put it into that sunset and just watched it go below the horizon and drift away.”

Hands down, emotional intelligence [is the biggest area of improvement the program sees]. Boys and young men who come into our experiences are immediately supported, encouraged, and witness to modeling of how to emote and express in a healthy and authentic way.

I would say that every, single thing that we do embeds opportunities for these young guys to begin to get in touch with that part of themselves that, culturally, is more or less off limits for a lot of them.

We see much deeper sharing, ability to express a range of emotions beyond just anger and happiness, to include things like shame, sadness, fear, and the parts of ourselves as boys and men that don't often get the airtime, or get the support to be expressed in our society.

Every participant is different in terms of where they come in. One of the things that, maybe I should stop being surprised by now, but it still surprises me, is how contagious vulnerability can be.

In our experiences, I think there's this really powerful thing that happens for our young guys, when they get to be in a room with some grown men, some guys that they can see are solid, and that they look up to in some way.

And there, they have an example of someone who's willing to cry, someone who's willing to express anger without hurting somebody, or someone who's willing to celebrate and just be in their joy. I find that that contagious nature of vulnerability is something that surprises me still to this day.

A similar program for girls, Vashon Sisterhood, is also active in the island's schools.

This interview has been lightly edited for clarity. Listen to the interview by clicking the play button above.