UW’s ‘Sex Professor’ wrote a ‘consent manifesto’ to keep romance healthy and fresh

Valentine’s Day can bring a lot of expectations to the romantic dinner table. There’s a sense that couples have to have this perfect night out, one that may even end with some intimacy.

And the University of Washington’s own “Sex Professor” wants that for people. Prof. Nicole McNichols sees sex not as a nice-to-have but as an essential source of happiness.

That’s why she wrote her new book, “You Could Be Having Better Sex: The Definitive Guide to a Happier, Healthier, and Hotter Sex Life.” She wanted to help everyone from the casual to the committed have genuinely good sex.

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Some of what she shared in the book and with KUOW’s Soundside may sound familiar, but it’s worth a refresher before the passion hits, especially if you’re in a more casual situation.

When it comes to casual sex, McNichols said it’s all about consent. And it’s something she thinks a lot about, as a UW professor teaching one of the Seattle campus’s most popular courses on human sexuality. She’s taught thousands of undergraduates and maintains popular Instagram and TikTok accounts where she gives advice on how to have a better sex life.

“ [Consent] has to be something that's continuous… [with] clear expressions of enthusiasm by both partners throughout the whole thing,” she told Soundside.

But she also wants people to consider consent as an ongoing conversation to ensure everyone feels good about the experience.

“ If we want to really be having healthy sex, we need to be respecting and taking care of each other in all of those dimensions,” she said.

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That’s the foundation of McNichols’ “consent manifesto” in her book.

“We’ve had so many conversations about sexual assault and consent in the context of understanding respect for each other’s physical boundaries and bodies, which is critical,” she said. “But beyond that, it needs to be emotionally honest, situationally transparent, and reflect a commitment by both people to mutual pleasure.”

Hear the full conversation with McNichols on the Soundside podcast.